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My recovery has evolved to the point where I am better able to trust my higher power to provide everything I need. I am older and wiser now, however, it is the 12 steps that have transformed me. I had a sponsor once who told me that each day God gives me 24 hours worth of everything I need; shelter, food, courage, strength, serenity, love...everything. When I can stay in today, I find that she was exactly right.I have never had a time in recovery where I didn't receive what I needed each day. I don't get two weeks worth or a years' supply but I do get everything I need for today.

The only roadblock to this is when I get into fear. When I am operating in fear, my faith diminishes and I can't see any solutions or gifts. A few years ago I was working in a hospital and I was going through some really rough times in my personal life. When I walked into the hospital each day I would look at my watch and say,"okay God, I am going to let go of worry and fear for 2 hours". After the 2 hours, or whenever I remembered, I would do the same thing again. sometimes I would even forget to start worrying again! By the time my day at work was done, I was feeling much more serene. Nothing had gotten worse while I had suspended my worrying and most often things were much better.

For me, worry=fear. When I am worrying, I know I am in fear and better find a way to let go of it.  Then when I do let go, everything starts getting better. When I was drinking and using I thought that I was supposed to worry about things. I thought it was my job to worry until I figured out how to fix things. That worked so well for me that I ended up drinking myself into a corner. It is not our job to fix things. If we could fix things, we wouldn't need a power greater than ourselves. Without a power greater than myself, I cannot stay clean and sober.

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